Journal Excerpts: Reflections- Growing Pains September 27, 2010
On an overcast morning, my husband, Roland and I headed down the coast for a last-minute “let’s play hooky from work” day. The only plan was simple, we needed to be home by 9 or 10pm, spend less than $200, have fun, and reconnect.
Our trip started with a stop at our local Trader Joe’s in downtown Monterey. We picked up food for a picnic. A couple personal loaves of soft garlic and asiago bread, sliced salami and provolone, a bag of chips and salsa, and fresh organic raspberries to soak in our cheap bottle of pinot gris.
After a quick stop at the gas station to fill the tank, we were heading down Highway 1, crusin’ past Pebble Beach and Carmel. As the highway opened up and the coast came into view, my shoulders relaxed and the stress of life began to melt away. By the time we reached Big Sur, the sun started to peak out and the day seemed promising for some great photographs.
“The greatest meeting of land and sea,” Robert Louis Stevenson’s famous quote entered my mind as the jagged Big Sur coastline capped my meditative state with awe and inspiration. The Big Sur Coastline has to be God’s backyard with its rugged rock formations and the endless ocean. On this day the water was calm and reflective not unlike my own state of mind.
With endless chatting and lingering eye contact Roland and I slipped easily into a comfort zone that seemed to have been lost in the wake of a shift in our relationship. In the reflection of the beauty of Big Sur, there seemed to be a glimmering return of the beauty of our friendship.
Settled on top of the world, Nepenthe restaurant is iconically perched over 80 feet above the pacific ocean, the legendary restaurant lives up to its name, easing the mind with its refreshing and intoxicating beauty. Together we browsed the gift shop, smelling candles, playing with wind chimes, admiring local artwork, smiling at each other between the isles, a brief touch of hands, the faint stir of the familiar. We hiked in silence through the gardens taking in the beauty of the open world.
Our picnic spot was a redwood gazebo on the edge of Forever. As I made the sandwiches and Roland corked the wine, questions formulated and floated through my mind.
An echo of “once was” lingered in my heart. How to start? Where to begin? should we start over? Should we let it end?
With a deep sigh and open heart, I grabbed the fingers of my husband hoping he’d understand, be patient, hoping he’d prove to be the man that he once was, and that I can once again find it in me to be the honest, open woman that he knew. To find the courage to say the words that needed to be said as we looked directly into the fork in the road.
How do we get past the hurt, disappointment, and anger to realize where it is that we’re supposed to go. To be brave enough to continue to walk together as husband and wife or say goodbye.
Thru soulful eyes 