Reflection Entry One: The Disruption & Decision

Yoga Through Cancer – A Sacred Return to Self

Yoga Through Cancer: A Sacred Return to Self – A companion series by Leora
Reflections released in rhythm with recovery

There’s a moment when the life you planned dissolves, and something uninvited arrives in its place. For me, that moment came just nine days after I began what was meant to be a sacred pause…a yearlong sabbatical to rest, reflect, and reclaim my sense of self after the onset of burnout symptoms, and the sudden, unexpected care-taking of dying parents.

Instead of walking the beaches of California with a journal in hand and a new dog friend, Chica, walking beside me with the Pacific breeze at our backs, I found myself seated in an oncologist’s office, stunned by a Stage 2 breast cancer diagnosis.

I wish I could say I met that moment with grace. I didn’t. I was pissed. Angry. Resistant. It felt like an intruder had kicked down the door to the life and love I was finally beginning.

I didn’t want this version of my story. I didn’t want chemotherapy. Watching my mother suffer through her own treatments, and die before completing them… had left me wary and afraid.

But cancer doesn’t wait. And neither did my oncologist.

In one of the most honest, direct conversations I’ve ever had, he looked me in the eye and laid it out:

“This is the fight that can save your life. We’re catching it just in time. We can cure it now. But if you don’t begin treatment, starting with chemotherapy, as recommended, in a year, you’ll be fighting a very different fight.”

Something in me shifted. Not a full surrender, but something steadied.

I sat taller. I took a breath. And with a strong back and a soft belly, I exhaled and said:

“Okay, then. Let’s deal with this.”

It wasn’t a brave beginning. It was a reluctant one.
But even in that disruption, I was met by the teachings I had carried with me for years through yoga:

Ahimsa ~ Do no harm in thought, speech, or action, to myself or others
Trustful Surrender ~ A graceful letting go of control. Trusting Source. Trusting my body to do what she knows to do
Vairagya ~ Non-attachment ~ Be the same in happiness and despair. Let go of the year I had planned. Let go of what I thought healing would look like. Let go of the woman I thought I was.

By the end of January, I was no longer planning my long-awaited trip to California. I was sitting in the chemotherapy lounge still uncertain, with cautious optimism, a calmer heart and a gentle whisper…

“I’m here. I can do this…I have to do this”

Not dramatic. Not graceful. But true.
And sometimes, truth is the most sacred offering we can make to ourselves.

I’ve come to realize that I didn’t need to feel brave to begin. I didn’t need a plan to be present. I only needed to arrive, to show up in this body that I trust, in this breath that I carry. With each round of treatment, with each uncomfortable truth, I return again and again.

This is not a fight. This is a return. A sacred return to self. To breath. To presence.

And while I didn’t choose cancer, I did choose…
To meet it with all its ugly and beautiful honesty.
To walk it with gentleness, even in the midst of turmoil.
To witness the unkind, insidious moods of my first thoughts, my first words, to feel them, to watch them unfold and shift, like cloud watching on the coast of a beautiful day.
To stay soft, and steady with myself.

Soft Practice ~ Sitting With What Is

This is a practice for the days when your mind is loud, your body feels distant, or your life has just changed without your permission.

1. Find stillness
Sit or lie down. Place one hand on your heart, one on your belly.

2. Breathe gently
No need to deepen. Just meet your breath where it is. Let the inhale arrive. Let the exhale soften. Continue breathing. Following the thread of your breath

3. Whisper inwardly

“I’m here.”
“I don’t have to like the uncomfortable to be present with it.”
“I can be tender, even in the unknown.”

4. Ask softly: