Woman to Woman: A Lesson in Grace

Many of us have had our hearts broken and we’ve broken many hearts as well.

Either way, if love is involved a break up is a difficult transition with an extra special kind of agony.

It seems to me that there is a certain amount of solace and beauty in the examination of a broken heart. There are so many directions one can go with a break up. So many beautiful places and so many dark, ugly corners one can and should explore. I personally have wandered the corridors of the ugly yet beautiful landmarks of heartbreak. I’ve traveled those dark alleys of bitterness, hurt, sorrow, anger, sadness, and withdrawal. I’ve also explored the sunlit caverns of my heart, the caverns of growth, of lessons learned in myself and in others. I’ve witness my capacity of compassion and understanding in the loss of a lover soar to heights that I didn’t even know existed within my own soul. I’ve cried tears of joy in the relief that even after a breakup that I could love him even more than before. I’ve sat and pondered on the shores of the oceans of my own faults, sharp tongue and insecurities, diving into the dark depths of who I really am only to discover the treasures of insight, of compassion for the suffering, the longing and a gentleness in others, that could only be revealed through my own misgivings, faults, pain and heartache.

Bitterness, hurt, sorrow, anger, reluctance, silence, sadness, and depression, inner growth, and lessons discovered, and finally acceptance are all steps towards healing the broken heart. After putting down the magnifying glass of the detailed examination of “what the hell just happened ?”, the trick I think is understanding that time WILL heal or at the very least soften the hurt. Most importantly, its the ability to move on through each process of the healing game with the same love that captured you in the first place and to protect your heart not from the suffering of heartache and missing someone so dearly, but from the stiffening, calcification that comes from the pain of the loss of trust, and the disappointment in yourself and in your lover. I believe our number one job while recovering from heartache is to nourish our heart and soul, protect these divine aspects of ourselves from the lasting effects of bitterness and anger. Don’t allow the pains of life, or the loss of your love to solidify your plump and supple heart. Nurture your heart, love it, Let it heal with the beauty of the once was and the possibilities of what can be. Don’t allow even one ounce of negativity or anger to smolder the loving fire of your heart. Love and love again, and again…

Often, we search outside of ourselves for reassurance to dull the pain of rejection. After all the rejection is the pain of the bite of a breakup, If we could just dull the piercing of the heart, we can handle the venom with a clear mind, we can get through the process with our integrity and pride in tacked. We can move on, move up, move out, rebuild or reconnect without drawing on our own dark forces to make the other person feel as bad as we do.

It’s about being confident in the woman that you were before, during and after the breakup, being confident in the woman that you’re becoming, in the woman that is ever growing. That woman, that strong, confident, vibrant woman is the one that got you this far in life. She is always there with her hand extended out waiting for you to grasp it. That strong confident, brave, woman is always there with or without a man. A strong, confident, resilient woman, knows that having or not having a man does not prove the fact of her inner and outer strength or defines her. Wanting love and connection is a birthright and a gift of instinctual wisdom and empathy. It is OK to want that! Love in all forms is extraordinary, BUT! Romantic, dopamine induced passionate attraction and love is one of the most alive things that we can experience as humans, again, it is ok to want that! Its ok to want to be embraced and feel secure in the arms of LOVE.

When the dust settles after a fight or breakup we find ourselves running through our heads the what ifs, the should ofs and in that reliving we tear ourselves down wondering what we could have said or done to make things better. Every time we talk lower to ourselves we create mistrust within ourselves, squashing down our own brilliant light of who we are. Return to your own radiant inner discernment, return to your source, to your higher self. The one place in the depth of your heart that God resides where no amount of suffering can dull. That divinity within yourself needs consistent watering of warm self love and self trust. This is the nutrients of our growth. We must remember that the pain, the hurt, the suffering is temporary and it will go away, that is the law of nature, the law of time.

The love, the protection, and the guidance of so many people in our lives, of God, of nature, and most importantly the love of our own selves, the love of our own inner awareness of who we really are, always striving to be the best that we can be, to be better than we were before is the strength, and the source behind our ability to soften into the pain of a heartbreak, and to smile into the beauty of the memory of what was and what could have been all while letting go gracefully.